By: Lindsay Andre Home of Grace, Dead End Mississippi Graduation 12/30/2021
Hey yall, my name is Lindsay Andre, I am 33 years old, and I have been in the bondage of addiction since the age of 16, nearly 50% of my lifespan thus far! What started off as simply smoking marijuana and “experimenting” quickly escalated, and before i knew it, I would be checking every box there was on the drug history form during intake. Boy was that an eye opener!
On October 4th, 2021 I came through the gates of The Home of Grace, a little girl who felt worthless, alone, broken and afraid. I had allowed the trauma throughout my life, mental physical and sexual abuse to become my identity. I refused to let go of the pain because it was the one constant thing in my life, pain was always there beside me. I was comfortable in my pain and if im honest the pain was always there for me, justifying my behavior and giving me an excuse to continue to live my life the way Lindsay wanted too. I knew that as long as I didn’t accept the truth that was there all along, that God really loves me and has always been right by my side waiting patiently for me to surrender my pain to Him, I could continue to take the easy…. very well beaten path laid out by those that came before me.
I don’t have many memories of my childhood, trauma tends to do strange things to our brains! I grew up in a catholic church, went to CCD, was an alter server, continued to make the sacraments as I grew older, I even had a bible. I didn’t know one word of scripture and I was sure I wasn’t going to make it to heaven no matter how hard I tried. Eventually I became used to who I was and stopped trying to get better. “I can remember thinking, all you will ever be is exactly who you are in this moment” The idea of change and healing made me feel hopeless and defeated. I had convinced myself that it was impossible to heal and be set free from things if you can’t remember them in the first place. I felt like I was in front of a mountain that could not be moved. God’s way of protecting me became a hinderance in my walk with Him, I was full of pride and too stubborn to let go of something I was never meant to carry in the first place.
I was lost, confused and so consumed with what the world said about me. Looking to the world for comfort, acceptance and to fill the void in my soul became and endless cycle that I saw no way out of. BUT GOD!
In 2016 I boarded a plane, taking a giant leap of faith leaving my past behind and getting a fresh start, to live a better life. Little did I know God had been working behind the scenes this whole time, arranging things so I would eventually meet my best friend and Husband and we would begin our prodigal journey back home. God gave me my husband so I would have tangible evidence of what being loved by God looks like. Unfortunately, I once again became complacent in my walk, and I looked to Hunter for everything that God so desperately has been trying to give me. I put God sized expectations on my husband and when he couldn’t meet them, I began to fall faster and harder than ever before. My priorities were no longer Kingdom focused but once again I was living for Lindsay and seeking approval from the world. Once again, I found myself desperately looking for a safe place and sense of security. What I failed to realize is that if I never trusted God or allowed HIM to be my safe place, then I wouldn’t be able to find one anywhere.
Coming to the Home of Grace has changed my life. I gave my life to Jesus on October 8th, after only 4 days of being here. I have come to know Jesus as my Lord and savior and have learned to look to God for my needs and take the impossible expectations off of others.
I stand before you today, no longer a scared little girl, but as a daughter of The King, and I know that He calls me by name! I have been given a new identity in Christ and will leave here a woman of valor, integrity (I’m still working on this one) and perseverance. With God by my side, I know I can walk with my head held high, creating a pathway and legacy for my generations to follow behind!